Sunday, 10 November 2013
Short story p1
John in a boy who never really had friends but then he moved to the city, the city is dangerous and he must be careful of not using his knife fingers to cut people in the street. John could also talk to Slugs, but he would always chop them in half with his knife fingers. when he starts college he meets a boy, Henry, who could transform into a slug or any other kind of gastropods, as John had trouble talking to people he would ask Henry to morph into a slug when he wanted to talk to him, Henry didn't like this and he quickly got fed up with having to use his humiliating power all the time just to talk to one of his mate. Henry did understand that John had no other friends but this was killing him from the inside out he couldn't do it any more. John had quickly lost his best friend and only friend, he had to do what he could to save his friendly relationship with Henry. John worked out that if he could start speaking to Henry in his normal human form he would not have to change into a slug all the time and get angry so John started on improving his social skills, but John was impatient he needed to do it quick so he went to the college witch to get spells placed upon himself. The college witch was evil towards John she didn't like his dangerously sharp knife fingers so she made John into a slug. John now as a slug he had to find Henry and show him what he had become, although now John was a slug he could not talk to humans but to other slugs. John knew if he caught Henry as a slug he would be able to get out of the whole problem but Henry did not like being a slug. For the next few days John stayed in Henry's backpack hoping that he would get found. John did get found but Henry didn't know what to do with a slug in his backpack what would any normal person do chuck him out, so Henry did he threw John into some dirt. John knew the only way to get back was through the college witch so he went a killed the witch and lifted the spell. Johns life had changed he now had lots of friends and didn't have to worry about being sad any more.
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Hi Casper, when i read this story pitch i did enjoy laughing at the countless times that you mentioned the word 'slug' my mum did too. Firstly my main criticism would be your punctuation purely because i personally couldn't understand the plot at first because very few commas were used but when i did eventually understand the plot i found it very interesting to read. I also enjoyed the story line about how the idea was based on Edward Scissorhands which is directed by one of my favourite directors (Tim Burton) I also liked how you created something so simple and enhanced the ability of such a small meaningless creature. I enjoyed reading your pitch and there are many ideas that can be adapted on positively.
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